Upside Down

Heyyy.. I'm back to blog after two weeks, I guess? Rushing with dozen of assignments and presentations and here it's the end of my first semester. I just came back from Korea three days ago. Supposedly to be happy 'cause I just back from my holiday but it's just upside down. How I wish that time can turned back and I'll choose not to go for my holiday. 'Cause it's made me suffer like this!!!

As expected, after back from Korea, mum will definitely asked me to help out with my little brother's homework. I won't mind helping him to solve any maths problems since I love Maths so much. But guess what, my mum was expecting me to help my bro to do his tugasan harian and all he needs to do was to copy it into an A4 paper (This job was too simple that a 3 years old kid can done it) Copy and Paste. What  the F***!! I'm too good in holding my words but this time I can't hold it any more. You are trying to make my life so suffer and bring the nightmare back to me!!! I hate doing that 'cause I totally have no idea how to do it. I don't even know what's the formulae to write it. You gave an excuse said that I've experienced it before, therefore I should help my bro to do it. EXCUSE ME!!! When I first time encountered this, I had no idea what was going on. I don't even knew who I can asked or even rely too. My elder brother went overseas when I was form four therefore he can't helped me up. But even if he was here, he won't helped me too.. 

I just tried my best to write it without a single idea what should I write. My first draft was rejected and I rewrite it again and again until I get it what should I write. Everything was based on my own!! My ability and you didn't even helped me out... You might said I didn't even asked for your help but obviously, even if I did, you will scold me for not asking teacher for proper information. But now, SEE WHAT HAVE YOU SAID TO ME BECAUSE OF MY LITTLE BROTHER!! You said that I'm too individualistic that I don't want to share my things with my bro but please... I did like to help him if he got any problems but that doesn't imply that I should help him to do everything.. He will has to explore on his own too.. Compare to others brother sister of my friends, I'm way too good to my bro 'cause they didn't even bother about their siblings' homework.

Scolded me for two hours just simply because I refused to help my bro to do his tugasan harian. I just can't understand am I doing the wrong thing? I am just helping him to be more independent. But what I get? NOTHING!!! This is so unfair. Why can' he does everything on his own without anyone's help? She forced me to print out what I've done for the past two years for him. Unfortunately my laptop didn't want me to print, I think my laptop understand me so well that my mum don't. Laptop automatically shut  down on its own and I can't on it. (What a perfect time..) She scolded me for not taking care of my laptop again, kept grumbling that I wouldn't want to help my bro. Stupid. Why can't you just put yourself into my shoes? Think about it, you put in so much effort to do a thing just to let others to claim the credit, do you feel happy about that? You'll never know how it's feels..

I don't even know how am I gonna escaped from this work.Why me? You never satisfied on what I had done and the only time when you're satisfied was when you were asking for my help. You made me felt that I'm only a tool for you. Take it when you need and throw it when you don't. I'm your daughter. I just don't know why you just treated me so unequal compared to my bros. I struggled so much when I was in form four. For the first time my elder bro was not around for me to rely on, my parents didn't even knew what am I doing, I was totally blanked in every subjects especially biology. You scolded me for not paying attention in class when I asked dad about some questions.Same situation happened on bro right now,why not you tell him the same words? 

I'm forced to adapt to the environment without any chances. Since young, I was taken care by a babysitter and I've no choice but to accept it. The only reason I was there was because you want to take care of my little bro. I was there since 2 years old. I learnt to read a simple storybook on my own at that age. It took me weeks to finish reading a storybook. I thought that I'll gonna get your praise but NO. I got nothing. Because I'm the only left-handed in the family, you never taught how to hold a pen, chopstick and even fork and spoon. I learnt on my own. Being a left-handed was so troublesome that everytime I had to create or find my own way to handle a task. I never know how to cut a paper into a nicely shape until today. It's too hard to cut using left hand.. But you'll never understand just kept complaining that I don't even know how to cut paper that even my little bro knew that. What the heck is that? Did I have the chance to choose that I don't want to be a left-handed? 

Life seems to be so lifeless right now. I just want to have a good rest before my next semester start. But it's seems that my semester's break have been fully occupied. My world had turned upside down. What can I do? Adapt? Accept? Deal with it? I'm confused.

Happystar Li