Downpour

When this rain falls on my head
I’ll get all wet even my heart
Stay with me I still can’t be
In the rain alone without you

I’m still young, I’m still a bit scared
Though I know it’ll stop soon
I’m looking for you

Will it stop now? These raindrops, these tears?
I don’t want to get wet with rain
And tremble with cold
Some day, the cold rain
Will become warm tears
And fall down, It’s alright
It’s just a passing downpour

It’s just a passing downpour
It’s how I feel
After I met you, I haven’t lost
The happy memories to the rain

When the rain stops
Let’s meet again
We will smile again and be together

Will it stop now? These raindrops, these tears?
I don’t want to get wet with rain
And tremble with cold
Some day, the cold rain
Will become warm tears
And fall down, It’s alright
It’s just a passing downpour

I’m getting all wet right now
I don’t even have the strength to open an umbrella
But we know
Let me just cry for a moment
As I lean on the rain
So you won’t see our sad tears


Now goodbye

Will it stop now? These raindrops, these tears?
I don’t want to get wet with rain
And tremble with cold
Some day, the cold rain
Will become warm tears
And fall down, It’s alright
It’s just a passing downpour

It's the END.

Please, please stop taking my kindness for granted. I know sometimes I might find myself in the position that it will be "wrong" for me to say "NO" but still, don't test on my patience. I've limit. I do draw invisible lines for most of the thing and I take it seriously. Don't over-cross it 'cause I don't think I've a good temper (always). I might be the one smiling to you all the times but deep down in my heart, you might be the one that I criticized the most. As I said before, I'm not the good one (always).

Please do whatever you're supposed to do. Don't rely on us, or more specifically, don't rely on me. Yes, I care about my marks always, that's why I always make sure I get my works done on time with quality. But that does not mean that you can take advantage of me. Telling me that you don't care about the marks sort of hinting me that "you should do everything 'cause you're the one that cared the most". Alright, I do admit that I care the most but I'm pretty sure you still concern about your grades right? If not you won't be the one giving me that disappointed expression when Big 4 rejected your resume 'cause of your results, telling me that you will work hard this semester to make a difference. So what's your difference then? To rely on me to help you in completing our group assignment? 

I don't understand. You keep telling me that you don't understand the topic so you can't start the assignment. WOAH!! So you are expecting me to understand everything? This unit is all about marketing and you and I are accounting students, is pretty obvious that we both won't understand these. You argued that I took CB (Consumer Behavior) that you didn't, so I should have better understanding on the theory. If CB ever taught these, I won't be this suffered. LOL

Please stop giving me excuses. Start doing, stop complaining. Stop giving me thousand of reasons that stop you from starting the assignment. I'm pretty glad that this will be our last time being in the same group for assignment. After this, It's the END! Please grow up a little, be more responsible on whatever you have done and you should do. Don't try on my patience because I don't hope to "explode" before our graduation. I would like to have a happy ending. 

Don't over-cross that line because I'm not the kind one....

Happystar Li

  

Yeol-eo jwo?

How do feel when you surrounded with people that don't understand you? How much do you wish to have someone beside you to listen to all your complaints? How much do you wish you can talk freely without care much about others' feeling?

It'll be much more easy to tell others to open up to you but it's harder for me open up to them. My housemates used to say I shut my "door of heart" when I first met someone new. I will pull off that cold look and I don't speak much. I tend to listen, tend to observe what would they do and come to a simple conclusion about that person. I judge people, based on their behavior rather than their look.

This might ended up giving people a thought that I'm that "cold-typed" of person. They might have that fear of talking to me 'cause they think that it's hard to find a common topic to talk about with me. I don't really know I've this kind of problem until we have a so called "first impression" session with my housemates.

Yes, I've to admit that I won't bother to talk to you at first if I think that you're not the type of my potential friend. What do you mean by potential friend? I don't judge people on how rich they are, how fashionable they are or how sociable they are, instead I tend to judge based on the feeling. If I don't feel good or comfortable with you for the first time, I won't, usually won't bother to talk or even start a conversation with you. If I somehow feel comfortable with you, then I will try to start a conversation with you.

Sometimes, I think is quite strange that some people I don't meet them often but still manage to pull off a topic out of nowhere and we still can talk for so long. But for some people, even if I seen them everyday, I still can't think of a way to talk to them or a common interest to talk about. When it comes to friend, there's only two choices for me: either talkative and funny one, 'cause I won't mind listen to their funny stories everyday or the listener typed, 'cause sometimes I might want to have a deep conversation with them.

Cold-typed of person?

Maybe yes, but to some extent. I did try to overcome this through internship but still, building up the courage to speak to everyone is seriously so difficult. I'm that kind of person that don't really know much of other thing except for entertainment stuff and so when they talk about sports or maybe games, I'll be blurring all the way till it ends. Car is the category that I hate the most. You don't come to me and tell me the brand and model of car that you interested, 'cause I might give you that "Can you please stop now" kind of face.

Growing up is all about socializing. How well you communicate with your colleague? How sociable you are? How knowledgeable you are? That's the part I suffered the most. I try to catch up but I failed, many times. I really really appreciate the life as a student. At least you don't have to worry on how to please your boss so that you can have your promotion or bonus. You don't have to worry on how much should I performed in order to secure my job. Student being just a student, get your pocket money, drive to university to attend classes and sometimes maybe have some fun time with your friends. You might hate the biggest enemy which is finals, but after finals, you will be given your own freedom for months. How I wished I could stay as a student forever.

I'm in my last semester now. Last time of being student and I really really cherish it so much. I'm currently having a dilemma of I don't want to graduate too early and get into the workforce but I don't want to study anymore... Biggest dilemma, I guess?

Perception

Perception? Mindset? I hate the words. I don't know why someone actually comes out the entire perception of girl should does all the house works while the only thing that guy need to do is to work and earn more money. Like seriously, there have been years that people demand for gender equality and yet that mindset is still stuck in the culture of our society. Girl should learn to cook, wash clothes and tidy the house.... I hate this mindset. Why can't girl and guy do the same thing? I won't mind to go out and work so I will expect he will not mind to do the house work. But the thing is, OUR PARENTS!!

Parent will gonna be the forever problem, like my mum. I would say she will be the most "WONDERFUL" person on earth that I've ever seen. I used to compare my mum with others, and I still think that my mum is the "BEST". She demands, she complaints, she criticizes on everything that I've done. I really have no idea what she wants. 

Since young, she wanted me to study hard so that she can going around showing off her daughter to others. I got "canned" when I didn't manage to score all 100 for my kindergarten exam. I only managed to score full marks for 2 subjects and she told me that I was playing the whole time that I didn't even pay attention on my studies. 

When I was 7, she wanted me to get first in class and telling me that if I didn't meet her expectation, she won't let me get into the house. I got it during the first half but eventually it dropped to third. But the only good thing was I still managed to secure a place in the so called "good class". Throughout the entire primary school, she will scold me whenever my maths result are below 90. Even if it's above 90, I still get the blame of careless, that's why I can't get 100. She expected me to score straight A's in UPSR that when I phoned her and said I only got 6A's, she yelled and scolded at me over the phone. That feeling was the worst. Every friend's of mine were happily sharing their result (same result as me) with their parents and all I did was crying at the corner and thinking of how I gonna face my mum later on.

As expected, I got blamed for everything. Not working hard enough and kept watching drama everyday. I don't understand, I didn't have time to even complete my homework everyday because most of my time were occupied by tuitionsssss. I didn't talked back 'cause I didn't think of arguing with her (what a WASTE!)

When I was 13, she wanted me to get into the Perdagangan class instead of ERT for KH. She got mad when I told her perdagangan was only open for straight A's student. Ever since then, whenever I've any KH assignment related to ERT, she will give me that "I-told-you-to-take-perdagangan-face". Do I have a choice to choose? She still want me to get straight A's for PMR and fortunately I did! I even felt proud when I got chosen as Best Student for KH-ERT. But when I told her, all she replied was that "piece of paper" was useless, what's the point of getting the best student for this subject? Like seriously, can't you just appreciate my hard work? All my happiness just gone, literally gone after her words. Ya right, what's the point of me aiming this award?

I worked extremely hard for KH because I want my parents sitting below there to get that "admire face" from other parents when they announced these while I slowly walking up the stage. I wanted them to feel proud of me, for that moment but she didn't even bother to care about that. All these, was just my imagination. Being a prefect, I got the privileged to watch every years' Academic Award and I just happened to see all the parents were extremely proud when their children getting all these award over the years. I was standing there wondering that if I've the chance of getting this award, will my parents be proud of me? Obviously.

Science stream or art stream were the most challenging part. I wanted to drop Biology from the very first place. I wanted to go art stream but she convinced me telling me that science stream has better future. She wanted me to become dentist or pharmacist. This time, I think I'm matured enough to argue with her. I told her there's no way that I'm walking on science related path in the future. I wanted drop biology so much that my result actually proven that I've no interest in Biology (Border of 60 and 70). She told me that biology and mandarin both were so important that dropping them will make me "stupid". And guess what she told my brother after that? She told my brother biology and mandarin both are useless subjects that it was perfectly okay to drop them! So who was the stupid one right now? Me?

SPM was the saddest part. I was pretty sad and disappointed when I actually got a "B" for Malay but I cried before gotten my result. The reason because I've been pushing myself too hard. I've received so much pressure from parents, relatives and even I myself were unconsciously giving pressure to me. That moment of tears were the results of mental stress plus pressure plus nervous from every part of me. I got blamed for weeks due to the bad result. What made it worse were both of my cousins scored extremely well for this examination. I'm so stressed out to the extend that whenever I heard the word "SPM", my tears started to fall and it took one year for me to "recover".

Seeing that all my friends and relatives getting reward for their SPM from their parents and all I got was the blame was soooo disappointed. They never understand how hard I tried to keep up my studies with others. I've to admit that I'm not type of person that is smart enough to understand everything that I've studied for the very first time. What can I say, I think I'm the hardworking type rather than smart one. BUT NO ONE ACTUALLY BELIEVE THIS!

So last semester, I had a wonderful exchange experience in Melbourne that I think I will did pretty bad for my exam. All I did was watching korean drama during exam period and even attending Halloween party in midst of exam period. Fortunately, I did quite good, even better than the result I got in Malaysia. I actually screamed in happiness when I first saw my result. You will never believe it, IT'S LIKE A DREAM COMES TRUE! I got 4HD!!! OMGGGGGG this was like a dream that was so far away from me but somehow the dream accidentally "followed" me home! When I told my mum, she was like, "Ya, no FAIL then okay ady!" I pretty sure if I ever gotten a D or C, she will be like, what the hell are you doing in Australia? Very SURE!! 

And she was joy over my brother college result of 2 HD and 2D. Kept telling me how hard my brother had worked on. I don't understand? You were happy because my brother got 2 HD and why aren't you happy when I got double times HD than him? You even treated him ice cream when I'm the one who loves to eat ice cream? AND I GOT NOTHING.... SO i should assume that your mind read 2HD as something good and all HD as something normal...

Even if I show these to my mum, she will deny ALL OF THEM. She will say I'm bullshitting all the way here. Of course she will never know how much hurt that she had caused to me. I remembered every single moment,every single thing that she did to me. I've a good memory and I've to admit this. Sometimes thing will not sort out in the way you want, so don't expect something, don't give yourselves a false hope. Nothing is better than something. I'm calculative at this "sector" because this is how I survived throughout the unfair and stressed out moment. I wanted them to know that how unfair they treated me compared to my brother. And all this is due to the word "Perception". Pay more focus on guy over girl 'cause your daughter will become someone else wife and consider as their part of family one day, not yours. I hate this so much! If you ever have that kind of "idea", please, don't give birth to a daughter, 'cause your daughter will have to go through all these shit!

To my future daughter, I promise you here, to treat you equally as other children of mine. I won't force you to do whatever that you don't want to and the most important part, I will reward you when you did something good and encourage, help you out when you ever need me. I will never have that kind of mindset so you're lucky to have me as your mother (kidding!) xDxD

Next or maybe next next post will be about my 21st birthday! xD Must blown off all my negative thought first before coming to the happy one =)

Happystar Li

我不要成为剩下的盛夏

蝉鸣是窗外渐渐倒数的钟声
考卷的分数是往上爬的树藤
我画在你手掌上的蝴蝶 飞走了吗

白云是蓝天正在放的风筝
青春是操场奔跑的我们
不要担心受伤 勇敢的朝梦想 闯一闯

还记得 我在等你下课 想送你的鲜花我手拿着
经过的同学大家都笑着 因为花新鲜到蜜蜂都还停留着

喔喔 被叮了 喔喔 你笑了 喔喔 尴尬了 喔喔 你的脸红了

枫下的秋千 盛夏的暗恋 我们说过要永远 在对方身边
走廊的光线 剪影的校园 即将是从前
(RAP: 枫下的秋千 盛夏的暗恋 我们说过要永远 在对方身边)
毕业的那天 剩下的时间 能不能别轻易 就说了再见
快门按下 手牵着手 暂停童年

剩下的盛夏呢 喔喔被叮了 剩下的盛夏呢 喔喔你笑了
剩下的盛夏呢 喔喔尴尬了 你的脸红了 我的脸肿了
剩下的盛夏呢 喔喔被叮了 剩下的盛夏呢 喔喔你笑了
剩下的盛夏呢 喔喔尴尬了

爱上这首歌时，已是3年前的事了。歌词很简单却有着非常深奥的意义。不知道为什么总是觉得长大以后，很多东西都不一样了。曾经是那么美好的，如今看起来却是很普通。小时候，会因为被老师称赞而开心一整天，会因为妈妈答应买冰淇淋给我而开心，会因为受到礼物而兴奋。中学时，会因为有一班好友陪伴而觉得很幸福，甚至还单纯的以为这友谊一定会永固，可是如今怎么了？

我认为我一直都是那捉住友情的裤脚的那一个。我至少还会天真的想去守护这一份友情，会想办法让每一次的见面都是快乐的。我会一直地催眠自己，告诉自己他们只是比较忙，不能赴约，并不是不想赴约。可是一次又一次的失约你叫我如何去催眠自己呢？考试？谁没考试了？小考而已，难道花三个小时见面也不行吗？再来就会说，你们business student 当然会比较轻松，你们根本就不了解我的辛苦。对，我是不了解你们的辛苦，可是难道我们的course就不难了吗？难道我们就不必花时间做我们的功课吗？所以我们的一纸文凭是不用努力就能得到吗？如果是这样，那你也不妨试试，再告诉我难不难！

                                                      “青春是操场奔跑的我们”

我们有的是青春，所以应该在这个时候留下美好的时光。对，我们有了在课堂上的美好时光，可是旅行上呢？年轻不是应该好好的去一趟旅行，然后拍很多很多的照片做纪念吗？我们曾经说好以后不管多忙都一定要结伴去旅行。可是为什么在提议时，却给了很多的藉口，推翻了一次又一次的盼望。有时候，不要盼得太多也不见得是件坏事。

“我们说过要永远 在对方身边”

曾经轻易地承诺不管发生什么事都要在对方身边陪着他，如今听起来却觉得有点可笑。幸运的是身边依然还有人陪伴着我。可是曾经在一起的一班好朋友，如今能谈得上心事的，却没有几个。一来，是怕他们忙，怕我的心事会打扰到他们。二来，是因为就算说了，他们可能也不会把它当一回事。说还是不说？算了吧，留在心底所有的秘密还是吞回下去比较好。

“毕业的那天 剩下的时间 能不能别轻易 就说了再见

快门按下 手牵着手 暂停童年”

好像回答毕业那天，狠狠的许下一个很深的承诺，谁以后约了不见，就再也不要再见了吧！反正你都不在乎，不见应该也无所谓，还可以省略了不必要的麻烦。我不要只是纸上的生日祝福，我更珍惜，更想知道你在写着祝福时，是抱着一个怎样的心态？有没有任何的flashback？不要轻易说再见，因为说了再见就再也不能见。

很多时候你只能等待，等待这一份友情有着好的回转。因为一个巴掌拍不响。单方面的守护并不能挽回当时的友谊，有时候就会让自己伤的累累的。在心里默默告诉自己，要知足，要知足。。。。。。

Happystar Li

2017

人生本来就应该来个没有规划的向前走，一个人跌跌撞撞的走，虽然有时很累， 但真的是个很好的体验。就这样没有头绪的和一班朋友来到了澳洲，和一班不太熟悉的人住在一起。人家说，好朋友不能住在一起，住在一起的就不可能是朋友。这句话，我还真的相信了。所以当决定和两个很要好的朋友住在一起时，我就告诉我自己，一定要学会忍让，学会放下，学会大方，不要以讽刺来取代普通简单的对话。我喜欢讽刺性的对话，因为感觉上比较不会伤害到别人，因为讽刺的最佳长处是一切看你怎么去分析。我喜欢把话悬挂在空中，不要让它有个句点，让它跟随别人的分析能力去明白。

就这样，我以为会难熬的一个人生活，原来并不是。因为这一路我都是幸运的。我从来没有发觉自己是幸运儿，但此时此刻，我必须承认了。有了一班好朋友陪我一起说其他室友的是非，有朋友教我煮菜洗衣，有朋友陪我闹陪我笑。有朋友为了我们两个人的健康着想，特地跑到百货公司去买水果蔬菜，然后每天逼我吃。虽然很好笑，但真的非常非常谢谢她的“逼”。我发觉到到人生很多时候往往在你认为你会面对困境，但原来上帝早已安排好了天使在你身边协助你，陪伴你度过难关。这叫“山穷水尽疑无路，柳暗花明又一村”，我的中文还不错嘛！本来就很好=）

疯疯癫癫的在考试期间商量去旅行的事，然后想都不想就立刻订机票的感觉真的真的好好笑。原来我们真的很ONZ! 人家青春本来就是要做件疯狂的事，我想我应该做了吧！什么都没商量就订机票，住宿租车的事，等考完试在想。结果，试一考完，就迫不及待搭火车去city玩到很晚，完全把订过机票去旅行的事给抛在一旁。靠近去旅行的日子时，才来急着找住宿租车的事。原本以为租车成功了，才发现我们不小心租了manual car，而我们五个人却没有一个人会manual。。这简直快奔溃了。幸亏最后找到了另一家agent肯租车给我们。

在Tasmania时，因为我们住的房子是在山上的一栋别墅，里面有钢琴，结果就在半夜两点多每个人开始show自己的piano skills。是半夜两点多，在那里边弹边唱。明天一大早就要去hiking。Hike 到目的地时，我们便在那里野餐。我们把所有的事物摆放在沙滩上，结果引来一只wallaby抢我们的cookies。它很会选，选了当中最好吃的cookies来吃。其实我们还挺可怜的，好不容易扛着这么多的食物去hiking，结果给它吃掉！回家的路程中，google maps带错了路，我们来到一个很陡峭的斜坡。原以为车子能上的了，谁知道车子却在半山上卡着。惨了，这下子我们真的不知道该怎么办？倒退的话，车子会掉入山旁的洞里，前进的话，车子的brake不能走。。。幸亏遇到住在山上的人，他们叫我们passenger先下车，可是好笑的是，我们没有一个人愿意留driver一个人在这么危险的车上，没人愿意下车直到他们走向driver seat，接手了driver的位置后，我们才迅速下车。哈哈哈哈，“有难同担，有福同享”应该是这样形容的吧！要出事，就一起出事吧！

在Perth时，因为时间上的问题差点和房东吵架，然后收了行旅箱往机场跑去下一个旅程。在Adelaide时，遇到了很好的房东，可是他们是吃素的，所以每天的早餐都比较难吃。。。我们两个人就这样拖着大大的行旅到处走，边问人边决定下一步的目的地。我顿时觉得有些事情会有趣，不是因为你做足了功课，而是你什么都没有准备，抱着零期待到下一个城市却在当中发生了很多有趣的事，体会到了从来都没想到的新鲜事。在Gold Coast遇到了色狼，我们边跑边守护着要给朋友惊喜的蛋糕，用着怜悯的眼生得到了当地人的帮助。幸运的事，遇上了好的巴士司机带我们回家。在Brisbane时，因为我们的班机是5am,而当时并没有交通工具，所以便选择在机场过夜。我们霸占了整个座位放行旅，然后就这样躺着就睡了。也许在别人眼中我们可能是无家可归的流浪汉，但其实我们是在等飞机。如果说青春就是要做些丢脸的事，那我想这件事也应该够丢脸了吧！

原来我是幸运儿，幸运在错的时候遇上对的人。幸运自己在危机时一直有朋友在身旁陪着我。我知道自己并不是一个遇到危机会冷静处理的人。过去的六个月在外独自生活，我真心的觉得很开心。开心，是因为我遇到了他们；开心，是因为我学会了解自己，聆听自己的心声，跟着自己的心情走；开心，是因为我最终体会到重见父母的那一种说不出口的莫名开心；开心，是因为我发现我离开后，原来还有那么多人舍不得我，原来我在他们心中这么有重量的。我一直以为是我自己自作多情，总是把别人放在心中一个很重要的位置，原来他们也有把我当好朋友看待。

2016真的是我过得最充实的一年。虽然爱情方面还是交白卷，但是我领悟到的人生经验和道理，都是一些我想如果我当初没有选择到澳洲读书，我就没办法体会到的经历。

2017，我希望你能对我好一些，学业，爱情，友情都能那个HD。

Happystar Li