Here We Go

Here we go!!! Here comes the end of degree first year. A lil' out of my expectation that time went so fast. Last week I was struggling with my law and accounts, and this week I get to do what I want. Drastic change within a week!!! OMG!! I kind of glad that I'm an A&F student 'cause my exam ended within a week. Eventhough it was super pack and rush, but the pain will over after a week. Not like others, still struggling with their studies. Even if they are not, they still face a conflict of want to study or play (I pretty sure everyone face these, 'cause I face this problem everytime). 

This post will typically describe how I feel during that hectic exam week. First of all, LAW!! My expectation of law would be like if I know, then I'll have an idea how to write. I did pay attention during lecture 'cause its law. (I'm quite insecure with this subject and I don't know why?) I don't even dare to skip any of the lectures and even do notes for every chapter, again, 'CAUSE ITS LAW! I've that kind of feeling that if I don't know, I'll get into trouble 'cause no one is here to help me. But, later I found out evenhthough I did pay attention in lecture, I still can't really answer the problem questions. Law being law, never gonna easy for us especially being the first time facing it. It's just something beyond your expectation. There's no exact answer for every question, literally, based on how you apply the law and how you gonna argue about it. This is so not the way that I'm already get used to it, where every question have an exact answer, and all I've to do is to study the chapter then answer the question accordingly to the answer given. But, as for law, you have to really understand it and argue using your own words. I don't have any confidence for law. NEVER!!

Accounts never gone easy for me too! After all, I choose to be A&F student so no putting blame on others. I used to wonder whether to take international business or accounting. My parents sort of advising me to take IB cause maybe next time I get the chance to work overseas (who knows) but if that really happen, then Italy please!!! Unfortunately I feel quite insecure with IB. I don't know why just worry that IB working line might be quite broad (no offense) and I personally will prefer something professional and specific, so accounts will be the best choice. Having  brother and cousin studying A&F and they managed to secure a great job with a high post in  audit firm kind of giving me an inspiration to take accounts. I really hope, I mean HOPE I'm as smart as them next time. 

I don't like being the only one or the unique one who takes up a new course to study. (What I meant "new" are taking the course that have not been taken by anyone of my cousins, relative or family). I like to have some example being able to show me how and what should I do. I like to learn from my brother's mistake when he took that units four years ago and keep reminding myself not to make the same mistakes again. I might be a little bit coward? when it comes to future cause I just don't want to make any mistake that will effect my future life. I won't move unless it has been confirmed that this pathway will be 100 percent safe and someone whom I really trust gives me that guarantee.  I guess I like pointing fingers or putting blame on others for making wrong decision for my future, that's why I need a guarantee from others... (super bad bad bad habit).

P.S. This post was written the day right after my finals in November. But I just feel like posting it now. Sorry, I drafted alot =(

Happystar Wei

我只想做一个坏人

也许是迟了些，不过刚刚好喜欢上这首歌《我不做坏人很久了》。喜欢MV 的最后一幕，“原谅我在爱情里面，是个最好的坏人”。最好的坏人？对，也许有些矛盾，但是这词语怎么就那么的优美。。那么的刚刚好。

原谅我一直以来都喜欢上一些前后矛盾，带点忧伤的句子，因为它每次都恰好形容了我的心情。我真的不想只是当个最好的坏人，我真的很想当个真正的坏人，一个可以毫不犹疑地放下一切的坏人。为什么学会了牵挂，为什么学会了心软，到头来受伤还不是自己？

所以赔了夫人又折兵？赔上了自己的愚蠢，再赔上了自己受伤的心？为什么选择相信？为什么不怀疑？我什么时候学会了相信别人？相信她会遵守我们之间的一切？帮个忙真的有这么难吗？朋友原来不是交来给你快乐的，是给你利用的。我真的很笨，笨到了无可救药的程度。

所以你不帮，再所以我落井下石。眼睁睁看着你不会做的功课，帮也不帮，问都不问。你若认为你很棒，那我就应该让你觉得你更棒，最好的方法，就是自己做。这一刻，我只想当个坏人。。。

那天你和我说了很多，不过我都没在听，专心地玩着我的手机。凭什么我说你不听，你说我就得听。朋友都向我抱怨，说你抢完他们的风头，明明是他们干的事，你却死命去踩一脚，然后 claim 完所有的credit。他们说你变了，我却说你们现在才发现？

在 freefall challenge时候我已经看清了，你交了新的朋友，就对我们爱理不理。当时只是觉得自己太sensitive。不过事实已证明了。你怕我们抄你的功课，所以一直在转移话题，你知道，没有你，我们一样能完成，而且还能做得更好。要不是我们和你解释最后一题的solution，我想你现在就可以哭了，BYE 10 marks。

幸亏只是一年，一年我们就成为最熟悉的陌生人吧。因为它也没什么好留念的。我有我的好朋友，你，只不过是个让我交到更多好友的工具，工具谢了！ 

要学会放下，要学会我不理！学会说“又怎样”，这不是残忍，就是为了让自己好过一些。其他人只是过客，自己才是主角。要活出自己！加油！！

是时候推荐些我喜欢的歌曲。

Heyy, recently I'm in love with Girls' Generation's "Lion Heart" and "You Think". Omggggg. I thought I'll fall for "You Think" because that's really my kind of music but I think I'll prefer "Lion Heart" more. I really like the chorus =). 

"You Think" is nice especially the beginning part. I really that electronic-machine kind of sound. Omggg Girls' Generation really rock their way out. This album is a great success. 

My recent playlists

1. Lion Heart

2. You Think

3. Devil

4. Mirror (Highly recommend this song. Really nice. By Pink and Haoren)

5. 女孩

6. Love More by BII

7. Only You (Miss A)

8. 剩下的盛夏 (daebak!)

9. Bang Bang Bang

10. Call Me Baby (Can't help it's EXO)

My favourite Exo!! EXO's song is a MUST to be included in the playlist. Since they are so AWESOME. Really a fangirl here. 

Gotta go. Bye bye

Happystar

给你的，一封信

所以我哭了！认真的哭了！因为你的信，所以我哭了！你很可恶！！！！我以为我可以很坚强的读完，然后都不哭，可是我失败了。你害的！！！罚你请我吃大餐！！！

为什么我哭？其实我已经意料到会有这个结局，可是没想到它真的发生了！信是种让人发泄的工具，所以有这样的结局真的不奇怪。只是我选择只把开心的事告诉你，把它写在信里。不开心的，在我心里。

我变了。我承认。我变得不会把自己不开心的事说出口，全埋在心里。我不懂，也不会如何写出来。每天就只是一副开心没烦恼的样子，其实心里隐藏着一百种烦恼却迟迟说不出口。不过，放心，下一次的心中，我会尝试打开心房，写出来给你的。

其实，今年真的发生了很多事情，可是我却没有告诉任何人，就连父母也都不知道。不过从这些事件当中，我学会了坚强，我成长了，真的成长了。我变得学会你想听什么话，我就只说那些话给你听，别的，提都不提。这样的改变没什么不好，只是变得比较现实了点，可是快乐真的比较多了些。

曾经看见一本书说过，不要羡慕别人的生活有多美好，因为他们都成功将他们的不美好隐藏起来。每个人都有自己的好与不好。我曾经羡慕你能出国升造，有男生追，可是信里却告诉了我另一种故事，我是不是应该不羡慕了呢？说实话，我到现在还真的很羡慕！！

决定，从来都不是我最擅长的东西。所以每次面对它时，我都会想很久，很烦恼。没有一个决定是完美的，可是每一个都能带你通往成功之路，只是在这过程中你所获得的享受是多，还是比较少而已。不要再质疑自己的决定了。做了，就不要回头。潇洒地向前走，总会看见曙光的到来的。

加油！你和我都会找到那一个属于自己的Mr. Right。一定会。别想太多了。有什么事，写在信里吧！没人听，没关系，我真的，愿意当你的聆听者。把该写的都写出来吧！

Call Me Baby

The title might be a bit weird but I'm so in love with this perfect song. Call Me Baby by EXO. My love for exo are getting more day by day. They are too perfect and it's so hard to not listen to their songs every day. Hehe, my love for k-pop is getting deeper than I realized. Anyway, just a bit of promoting, you should go and listen this song either mandarin or korean version cause you might get addicted to it (ohyaaa, please watch the music video too. It's awesome!!) I personally like the mandarin version 'cause I understand more and I get to learn the rap without any pronunciation problem (eventhough I might ended up biting my tongue sometimes, but its kinda fun.) Happy 23th Belated Birthday to my bias, Baekhuyn. You're too cute and I like your squarish smile. It's special. =)

End that topic. Serious mood now. So I've started my university life now. Life as a uni student is great but stress when it comes to dateline and assignments. But one thing that I realized was my foundation works were more harder than what I'm doing now. I used to have like 2 assignments for every subject (Total of 8 assignments for 4 subjects). But now, I only have like 3 assignments for the entire semester. It's like less than half of the assignments that I've done in foundation. That pretty well explain why I'm so lazy now =) And, the topic of assignments are so reasonable as in I understand the entire topic and are searchable through the Internet. Unlike the previous assignments, I don't even get what am I doing (Topic such as: nationalism VS. patriotism) and all I've to do was to nag my dad and asked him to feed me the answer. Being forced to take psychology in foundation is kinda benefited me when I'm in university. Whenever there's an advertisement on magazine, I tend to ask myself to determine the fallacy that might contain in the advertisement. This really helps me in some subjects. Tutor was like trying to tell us what is fallacy and what fallacy might contain in that advertisement. Others were listening to alien  language but I sort of get and understand better. (I kind of proud of myself=))

I guess everything happen for a reason. I struggle so much in memorising and learning the fallacy when I was in foundation and kept grumbling that why they no need learnt that. Now I understand, get to learn more or know more will benefit ourselves in the end. Cheers for my very difficult foundation subjects!!! Thanks for making me knowledgeable. 

Friends. I guess that will be the best important and scariest part when I decided to start my degree life in a completely different university. Orientation didn't turned out as I expected as many of them tend to have their own gang that they formed since their A-level or foundation. I was alone most of the time til I met a girl that sit beside me in the auditorium. We kind of talk a bit (awkward). When she told me she didn't has any friend and I was like (ohyeahh) then I tried to be with her through the whole orientation. Then here comes a girl kept following us. We didn't realized till she built up her courages and talked to us. Later I met another gang but too bad they were pharmacist students except one of them was business. 

Let just name that one person as Y. She used to be a nice person when we first met her. She keeps telling us not to ditch her 'cause she really needs friends and blahblah. It's totally nonsense. (You'll know why if you continue.) She calls me every morning just to make sure that I don't be late to class. She will say okay for everything that you demand her to do. Sounds nice right? There's word called "Never judge a book by its cover." I kind of glad that I have met this kind of friend but I don't know why, whenever I'm with her, I feel so uncomfortable, like this friendship is not real (I've this kind of feeling). Finally, when she gets to know new friends, she sort of draws an invisible line between herself and us. She only bothers us when no one cares about her. At first, I thought it was my problem, maybe I'm too sensitive. But my friend tell me that she has that kind of feeling, then I start to get it. I ask my friend in a very directive way, "Do you still wanna be friend with her?" She says don't know. 

Then, I kind of helping her to make decision to leave this Y. I totally ignored her whatsapp. And when she asked for answer, I just replied I don't remembered, sorry. I didn't even know I'm that dare kind of person until my friend told me. Cos she wanted to leave Y as well but she just don't know how. My past experience (some previous post) has build me into this kind of person. I'm truly glad, like seriously, because of the experience, now I'm able to handle this situation quite well. Prove it to her, if you only need me when you're trouble, then please, leave. I don't need you. Somehow I get to make friends with another big gang. They treat me like younger sister 'cos I'm the maknae again. Then this Y (don't know she did it) told one of my gang's friend that she really hopes to make friends with me and really hope I can mix into her gang. Damn you. Get lost!! I'm serious. Don't just hurt me then say sorry and expect I'll forgive you. Never ever. I don't need you. You want to be with them, go ahead, don't look back!!

Having a bunch of really funny and good friends make my life happier. I don't know why some people I just can be close to them within an hour but some people, it takes me ages and yet I'm still not comfortable with you. I'm that kind of sensitive and think-to-much person. When I'm comfortable with you, I 'll tease you. When I'm not, I'll praise you. Hint**

That's so long..... Okay gonna back to assignments. Having economics test next week. Jiayou!! Please let me get good grade for econ, account, statistics and management!! Bye=)

baekhyunsarangheyo. happystar

2015

Happy New Year!!!! Time flies, I'm 19 teen now. Damn, I feel so old suddenly. What happen to my 8 teen? I guess I went through quite well? Little bits of wondering, little bits of blurring, little bits of understanding... Sort of growing up and trying to get into the real world but not really get into, just walking around the fence of real world.. Wait! What am I saying? 

I guess the improvement (of myself) can be seen through language? I don't know but I think is pretty obvious that my English has slightly improved compare to the previous year? (Let's just put it slightly improved 'cause I've no idea how much have I improved. Motivation needed.) I'm forced to speak English more often when I'm in college 'cause I'm surrounded by a group of 'banana', most of the time. (I like and enjoy teasing or calling them "banana" very much and I still doing it now when I see them.) I guess I like making people feel more guilty? Or just telling them that you don't know how to speak your mother tongue!!

Speaking of that, I kind of glad that I took Mandarin in SPM. Thank you for that motivation keeps motivating me till the end. I will never know how much benefits I will get for taking Mandarin if I ever drop it. Telling people that I got 9A's in SPM is definitely the greatest benefit. (Trying to act like I didn't take Mandarin so I got full A's in SPM.) I did that most of the time. Second, whenever friends' parents or relatives are talking about whether to or not let her children drop Mandarin in SPM, I will show them that PROUD FACE (proud of getting an "A" in Mandarin). Next, they will try to ask me for some advices since I've gone through it. I will say "I took it SPM and I got an "A"" Immediately, they (for sure) will give me that respect or why-you-so-pro-face. That's my source of confidence =) I'll advice them not to drop but to take in SPM 'cause you will never know what grade you will be getting in the exam. Trust me, eventhough you don't get good grade in the end, you still feel that satisfaction 'cause a "B" is always better than you drop!! YOLO. You Only Live Once, so live with no regret.

Coming back to that banana topic, friends of mine tend to say that my voice sounds deeper (lower key) when I'm speaking in English. I don't act but it just happens naturally. They sort of guessing the languages I'm speaking by the pitch of my voice. When I'm speaking Mandarin, my pitch tend to go higher (without realising it) and I talk at a fast speed. They say my BM sounds like typical Chinese speaking BM 'cause my malay is like essay-type but not speaking-type (I guess I speak too proper Malay with too proper grammar and that makes me sounds so weird). My Cantonese? I'm pretty good at reading so called "Han Yu Ping Yin" to pronounce it properly. I mean little bit of accurate but most of them are off tuned. 

My first ever 9 teen post. 2015, please, please be a good year for me. Good as in academic, relationship, friendship and others. I obviously need more good luck for this year. Good Luck in everything. Let me experience the best luck this year (is it possible?) YESS. 

P.S. I drafted a lot. Like A LOT. This post was written in early January but I only have time to post it on now. Gotta go. Bye Bye

Happystar Li