给20 岁的自己的一封信

曾经我问我自己，20岁的我，会是一个怎样的人？过的还好吗？友情，爱情和亲情会顺顺利利吗？一转眼，我今天已20岁了。。想给自己写了封20岁的信好让以后能够好好的回味。

20岁的我，已经拥有个能够承受压力，承受别人不告而别的强心脏。People come and go, only the true one will stay forever. 这句话我也已经慢慢地消化了。人来人往嘛，离别分开是件再也不特别的事。我不会再去要求别人为了我而停下脚步，更不会要求别人为了我而留下来。我凭什么，凭什么剥削他们的自由只为了成全我的快乐？我的快乐很重要，可是我要的快乐是那种发自于内心的快乐，而不是强求别人的牺牲来让我快乐。

曾经我多么希望一切的一切都可以按着我的想法来诠释，包括故事中的所有人物，都可以按照我的想法表现出来。在我18岁那年，我完完全全明白了原来我只有能力改变我自己的生活，并没有能力去改变任何人的生活。每个人都有他的生活方式，他们不会为了你而改变。当然，如果你真的找的一个肯为了你完完全全改变的人，我想那应该是人生中最幸运的事吧！

经历了两年的大学生活，从那个什么都不懂，什么都不认识的丫头，到现在有了一班可以放心可以随意说话的朋友，我总觉得那是我这一年最最开心和幸运的事。每天一到学校就开始聊八卦，聊有的没得，做了些别人眼中看起来就很愚蠢的事，想起来真的很怀念。一有Assignment就每天缠着老师不放，缠到老师都认识我们，还和我们打成一片。Finance tutor简直把我们当buddy, 见到我们就会跑过来打我们的肩膀和我们说Hi. Accounts tutor还问我们没什么最近都没去consult她问题呢？怎么办，现在是闯祸到老师都认识我们了。哈哈哈，不过，这种感觉，真的，真的很好玩。

这一班朋友，有很多是今年才认识，可是认识后却变得很疯狂。考完finals就立刻跑到pyramid去唱K到晚上九点。点了超级high的歌，边唱边喊，那一瞬间，我突然感觉到 I finally found where I belong to. 曾经非常的担心自己会变成独行侠，可是命运的安排让我认识到了他们，让他们一直都在我身旁慢慢的陪着我，慢慢地让我放下了戒心。谢谢你们，我的大学有你们，真的非常的好玩。

对了，忘了提起上个星期闯祸差一点就被xx发现了。第一次违反了这么严重的规则，幸亏我及时底下头，才没被发现。不然，对不起咯，我们一定被捉来问话的。到时后果真的不堪设想。

友情其实让我明白了很多。有些朋友不会一直在你身旁，不过只要你需要他们，他们一直都在。谢谢你们的生日surprise。因为我真的很surprise。明明就知道有surprise，可是我一直以为是给另一个人的生日surprise，所以没有理会那么多，怎知原来全部人都懂了，只有我一个人被蒙在鼓力。谢了！我原以为我20岁的生日会很平凡，因为大家都在忙着考试，我凭什么约他们出来只为了庆祝我的生日，我是谁？我没那个能力！谢谢你们，让我的20岁生日有点不平凡。

说到生日，其实有很多人问我，你想要什么生日礼物？生日礼物吗？其实我并不是很想要些什么，我最想要的生日是简简单单的一本notebook，里面写完每一个人给我的满满祝福，那就真的够了。礼物不在于他的轻重，心意还是最重要的。与其给我个贵重的礼物，不如给我个可以让我回味，让我收藏的回忆笔记本。我承认我是个很念旧的人，所有人给我的卡片我都一一收藏，里边的祝福鼓励给我很大的motivation。难过沮丧时拿起来从新阅读，真的会给我很多的正能量。

别再说是谁的错，别再管是谁造成的，让过去成灰吧，因为已经不重要了，重要的是如何让自己和身边的人过得更好，如何不要去伤害他人。你可以伤害我，可是我绝不允许自己伤害任何人。这是我20岁坚守的原则。我当然明白这原则会随时间而改变，但至少现在我学会了放下。

20岁这一年，我拥有了亲情，拥有了友情，拥有了一班中学的好友，foundation的好友和大学的好友，可是爱情上我始终还是交白卷。为什么，为什么这一科就是那么难考呢？如果爱情有formula的话，那该有多好！因为在爱情里面，1+1不是等于2，它可以是3和4。希望希望我的爱情不要再交白卷了！！！至少来个50分也不错啦！

希望20岁的我，可以变得更加坚强，更加的勇敢去尝试。加油!!! 希望我的学业和一切能顺顺利利！

Happystar Li

Take A Break

I really really need a break. Like a break for my brain and hand to rest. Starting from Week 4 to Week 12 (now), I keep having small tests, mid term and quizzes going on. Studying non-stop. Sacrificing my sleep just to finish the chapters. After the end of accounts mid term, there goes finance mid term. Damn, when can my brain rest? When can I sleep early?

My panda eyes have became more and more but thanks god to my dark skin colour. Its kind of camouflage my dark circles. Yay, I guess that's the only good thing of having darker skin. Finals in 2 weeks time and I still not even ready yet. Ohh please, let it be super easy!!! I dont want the history of accounts mid term to be repeated. 99 fail out of 119 students. The questions are great disasters. We dont even have time to think and anlayse. Keep writing but dont know what to do. I guess if we were given one more extra hour, the failure rate wont be that high. And I could have done better.

Short update after finishing my finance online quiz. Last quiz. Last chance to score. Glad that I managed to score. Now off to bed. Goodnite.

I finally get the chance to sleep at 1am. Ohh well, that's is pretty late but for slow motion people like me, 1am is considered to be early...

Lastly, Happy 25th Birthday Exo's Leader Suho. You will be EXO's forever great leader. Stay cute always. =)

Happystar Li

你是想怎样？

你到底想怎样？我的脾气也有个底线的。不要一直指望我可以一直安慰你，一直在你身边帮你，说服你，我很累的，你知道吗？

你拿到了Inter-campus exchange 的 opportunity，很难得。别人想要都没有，你却想要在这个时候放弃？你疯了？是，你是我的朋友，在朋友的角度，我应该劝你不要放弃。可是从申请到真正拿到offer letter，你说要放弃，已经不是第一次了。我每次都劝你不要放弃，告诉你一大堆的道理，然后你终于坚持了。可是现在你又吵着要放弃，你到底想怎样？我很累的，每天都要面对你的一大堆理由，然后从中找出道理来说服你。我不是超人，你也不是我的谁，只不过是朋友而已，我能做的，已远远超出了朋友能做的。

就因为small test 考不好，所以你又再次吵着不要去了。算了，这次我对你彻底的放弃了，去不去，你自己决定吧。反正我也找到了我的朋友，少你多你一个也不差，只是心中难免会有些不开心。为什么？为什么在最后一步你选择放弃？小考而已，凭什么用它来当借口说不想去？不想去？你知不知道，能够到国外读书一直以来都是我的梦想。现在你拥有了机会，为什么要错过呢？

不是金钱上的问题，只是纯粹不想去，因为小考成绩不好。你的理由可以在荒谬一点吗？你不如告诉我你有飞机恐惧症，那比这更有说服我的能力。你不要一直拿它当藉口，藉口来威胁我或要我安慰你，如果你是我男朋友，I don't mind. 可是你不是！！凭什么要我浪费口水来说服你？我的容忍度也有个极限的。

小考考不好？我想请问一下，这一次的小考，有谁考好呢？没有人。那你凭什么闹这种脾气？你不是三岁小妹妹，已经二十岁了，应该会想去澳洲求学半年是多么难得的机会，放弃肯定会后悔的。算了，现在跟你说那么多也是白费的，随便你怎么做吧！你的人生你自己去决定，我只是劝你而已。

但是，最后还是希望你能告诉我你一定会和我一起去澳洲。。。

Happystar Li

miraclehappenbutwhen?

Finally.

Guess what, I finally got accepted for the inter-campus exchange program. My dream come true!! After all the months of worrying and hoping, I finally got my official offer letter from them. Now, the only problem is off-campus accommodation. Hmm.. I'm quite lazy to look for one and so I kind of rely on my friends to help me get one. (Laziness is the main problem but I cant help).

Last Wednesday, I went for a hostel arrangement talk held in my university. I was so sure that I didn't receive any offer letter before the talk. Was kinda disappointed 'cause everyone who applied for this program will have to attend this talk even if you don't receive the offer letter (according to them). But guess what, that was just a joke!! The fact is that, everyone who get invited to the talk are the one who will get (confirm) the offer letter from them. I didn't know this until they asked me whether I received my offer letter or not? At that moment, I don't really know they have sent the offer letter that morning. I was pretty rush that morning 'cause I woke up late and late for lecture. Then I was like.. hmm I don't know.

They asked me check my email now. Whoever didn't receive the offer letter are not required to attend this talk. Then I was super duper nervous while looking at my email. I got 3 emails from them that day. The first one was "congratulation & official offer letter". OMGGGG!!! I was so happy until I realized the second email's title was "Error in offer letter". At that second, I thought they will inform me they have wrongly send the offer letter to me. NOOOOO. I kind of nervous, pray to God, please let me go for once. Then I opened up the second email. NAHHH, the error is the dateline error in the offer letter form, so which mean I GOT MY OFFER LETTER!!! YESHHH!!!

I was trying to inform my friend about this but unfortunately the signal in the hall wasn't good and and she was sleeping, didn't pick up my call=((( Hahahaha. Told my parents about and they was like now you gonna learn how to cook, how to do your own laundry. OMGG why can't they just congrats me instead of all these...

Here comes the main part...

I called my super best best friend after that (you know who you're). Then she was like super happy for meeeeee. WHEEEEEE!! I don't know how to describe this feeling. Is like feeling kind of blessed or lucky to have her to be the first person to be happy for me.  The way you express your happiness by spamming my whatsapp even though you knew I'm having exam right now is just so crazy and great. I don't know since when our friendship have upgraded to be like a relationship? Hmm.. one-step below relationship. Hahaha. Feeling super super lucky to have you by my side always.

Thank you for being my forever listener that listen to my every problem and comfort me in your own way. Whenever I'm facing any difficulties or any happiness, the first thing I would like to do is to pick up my phone and start whatsapping you, updating you about the thing happened. If you didn't choose Australia, or put it that way, if I choose Australia's life, I think my life will be much more happy and we will be forever together every way we go. 

If you're a guy, I'll date for sure. For now, let's just hope we can meet up in Australia in July. 

Happystar Li

Here We Go

Here we go!!! Here comes the end of degree first year. A lil' out of my expectation that time went so fast. Last week I was struggling with my law and accounts, and this week I get to do what I want. Drastic change within a week!!! OMG!! I kind of glad that I'm an A&F student 'cause my exam ended within a week. Eventhough it was super pack and rush, but the pain will over after a week. Not like others, still struggling with their studies. Even if they are not, they still face a conflict of want to study or play (I pretty sure everyone face these, 'cause I face this problem everytime). 

This post will typically describe how I feel during that hectic exam week. First of all, LAW!! My expectation of law would be like if I know, then I'll have an idea how to write. I did pay attention during lecture 'cause its law. (I'm quite insecure with this subject and I don't know why?) I don't even dare to skip any of the lectures and even do notes for every chapter, again, 'CAUSE ITS LAW! I've that kind of feeling that if I don't know, I'll get into trouble 'cause no one is here to help me. But, later I found out evenhthough I did pay attention in lecture, I still can't really answer the problem questions. Law being law, never gonna easy for us especially being the first time facing it. It's just something beyond your expectation. There's no exact answer for every question, literally, based on how you apply the law and how you gonna argue about it. This is so not the way that I'm already get used to it, where every question have an exact answer, and all I've to do is to study the chapter then answer the question accordingly to the answer given. But, as for law, you have to really understand it and argue using your own words. I don't have any confidence for law. NEVER!!

Accounts never gone easy for me too! After all, I choose to be A&F student so no putting blame on others. I used to wonder whether to take international business or accounting. My parents sort of advising me to take IB cause maybe next time I get the chance to work overseas (who knows) but if that really happen, then Italy please!!! Unfortunately I feel quite insecure with IB. I don't know why just worry that IB working line might be quite broad (no offense) and I personally will prefer something professional and specific, so accounts will be the best choice. Having  brother and cousin studying A&F and they managed to secure a great job with a high post in  audit firm kind of giving me an inspiration to take accounts. I really hope, I mean HOPE I'm as smart as them next time. 

I don't like being the only one or the unique one who takes up a new course to study. (What I meant "new" are taking the course that have not been taken by anyone of my cousins, relative or family). I like to have some example being able to show me how and what should I do. I like to learn from my brother's mistake when he took that units four years ago and keep reminding myself not to make the same mistakes again. I might be a little bit coward? when it comes to future cause I just don't want to make any mistake that will effect my future life. I won't move unless it has been confirmed that this pathway will be 100 percent safe and someone whom I really trust gives me that guarantee.  I guess I like pointing fingers or putting blame on others for making wrong decision for my future, that's why I need a guarantee from others... (super bad bad bad habit).

P.S. This post was written the day right after my finals in November. But I just feel like posting it now. Sorry, I drafted alot =(

Happystar Wei

我只想做一个坏人

也许是迟了些，不过刚刚好喜欢上这首歌《我不做坏人很久了》。喜欢MV 的最后一幕，“原谅我在爱情里面，是个最好的坏人”。最好的坏人？对，也许有些矛盾，但是这词语怎么就那么的优美。。那么的刚刚好。

原谅我一直以来都喜欢上一些前后矛盾，带点忧伤的句子，因为它每次都恰好形容了我的心情。我真的不想只是当个最好的坏人，我真的很想当个真正的坏人，一个可以毫不犹疑地放下一切的坏人。为什么学会了牵挂，为什么学会了心软，到头来受伤还不是自己？

所以赔了夫人又折兵？赔上了自己的愚蠢，再赔上了自己受伤的心？为什么选择相信？为什么不怀疑？我什么时候学会了相信别人？相信她会遵守我们之间的一切？帮个忙真的有这么难吗？朋友原来不是交来给你快乐的，是给你利用的。我真的很笨，笨到了无可救药的程度。

所以你不帮，再所以我落井下石。眼睁睁看着你不会做的功课，帮也不帮，问都不问。你若认为你很棒，那我就应该让你觉得你更棒，最好的方法，就是自己做。这一刻，我只想当个坏人。。。

那天你和我说了很多，不过我都没在听，专心地玩着我的手机。凭什么我说你不听，你说我就得听。朋友都向我抱怨，说你抢完他们的风头，明明是他们干的事，你却死命去踩一脚，然后 claim 完所有的credit。他们说你变了，我却说你们现在才发现？

在 freefall challenge时候我已经看清了，你交了新的朋友，就对我们爱理不理。当时只是觉得自己太sensitive。不过事实已证明了。你怕我们抄你的功课，所以一直在转移话题，你知道，没有你，我们一样能完成，而且还能做得更好。要不是我们和你解释最后一题的solution，我想你现在就可以哭了，BYE 10 marks。

幸亏只是一年，一年我们就成为最熟悉的陌生人吧。因为它也没什么好留念的。我有我的好朋友，你，只不过是个让我交到更多好友的工具，工具谢了！ 

要学会放下，要学会我不理！学会说“又怎样”，这不是残忍，就是为了让自己好过一些。其他人只是过客，自己才是主角。要活出自己！加油！！

是时候推荐些我喜欢的歌曲。

Heyy, recently I'm in love with Girls' Generation's "Lion Heart" and "You Think". Omggggg. I thought I'll fall for "You Think" because that's really my kind of music but I think I'll prefer "Lion Heart" more. I really like the chorus =). 

"You Think" is nice especially the beginning part. I really that electronic-machine kind of sound. Omggg Girls' Generation really rock their way out. This album is a great success. 

My recent playlists

1. Lion Heart

2. You Think

3. Devil

4. Mirror (Highly recommend this song. Really nice. By Pink and Haoren)

5. 女孩

6. Love More by BII

7. Only You (Miss A)

8. 剩下的盛夏 (daebak!)

9. Bang Bang Bang

10. Call Me Baby (Can't help it's EXO)

My favourite Exo!! EXO's song is a MUST to be included in the playlist. Since they are so AWESOME. Really a fangirl here. 

Gotta go. Bye bye

Happystar

给你的，一封信

所以我哭了！认真的哭了！因为你的信，所以我哭了！你很可恶！！！！我以为我可以很坚强的读完，然后都不哭，可是我失败了。你害的！！！罚你请我吃大餐！！！

为什么我哭？其实我已经意料到会有这个结局，可是没想到它真的发生了！信是种让人发泄的工具，所以有这样的结局真的不奇怪。只是我选择只把开心的事告诉你，把它写在信里。不开心的，在我心里。

我变了。我承认。我变得不会把自己不开心的事说出口，全埋在心里。我不懂，也不会如何写出来。每天就只是一副开心没烦恼的样子，其实心里隐藏着一百种烦恼却迟迟说不出口。不过，放心，下一次的心中，我会尝试打开心房，写出来给你的。

其实，今年真的发生了很多事情，可是我却没有告诉任何人，就连父母也都不知道。不过从这些事件当中，我学会了坚强，我成长了，真的成长了。我变得学会你想听什么话，我就只说那些话给你听，别的，提都不提。这样的改变没什么不好，只是变得比较现实了点，可是快乐真的比较多了些。

曾经看见一本书说过，不要羡慕别人的生活有多美好，因为他们都成功将他们的不美好隐藏起来。每个人都有自己的好与不好。我曾经羡慕你能出国升造，有男生追，可是信里却告诉了我另一种故事，我是不是应该不羡慕了呢？说实话，我到现在还真的很羡慕！！

决定，从来都不是我最擅长的东西。所以每次面对它时，我都会想很久，很烦恼。没有一个决定是完美的，可是每一个都能带你通往成功之路，只是在这过程中你所获得的享受是多，还是比较少而已。不要再质疑自己的决定了。做了，就不要回头。潇洒地向前走，总会看见曙光的到来的。

加油！你和我都会找到那一个属于自己的Mr. Right。一定会。别想太多了。有什么事，写在信里吧！没人听，没关系，我真的，愿意当你的聆听者。把该写的都写出来吧！